Thursday, July 06, 2006

Porcelain Pugilism

The "Kill My Toilet" contest finished with a bang (followed immediately by a disgusting goosh) on Saturday night. In case you missed it, the winning entrants explanation of why she should win was:
"I should win this contest because I have a very special relationship with my toilet and I am not allowed to reduce it to rubble even though I would love to. My relationship involves rounds of toilet hugging vomit-fests because the little parasite I like to call my unborn child is doing a great job of sucking all the life out of me. If I had a sledgehammer I might be tempted to go after my own toilet so you should give me the opportunity to kill yours before another toilet gets hurt."
Ahh, the sweet nurturing thoughts of a new mother (I know we're all looking forward to reading more of Michelle's motherly musings in the upcoming "Chicken Soup for the Soon-to-be-incarcerated Soul.")

To see the toilet get tanked, click on this link.

You'll probably need QuickTime 7 to watch the video. If you don't have it, it's free. Just click on this link and wait for your new, improved life to download right before your eyes.

I'm flushed with appreciation for all the relief each of your entries in this contest brought to me. I'm sad to see the contest end, but as all of us have been taught by the porcelain prophets in our tiled temples, all things must pass.


Milton said...

This is certainly qualifies as a 'near the pinnacle of western culture' event. It's humbling to have been part of this, even if from a distance. From a CSI perspective, the wet concrete in the photo seems to originate from the toilet, which is a bit disturbing. Long live porcelain pugilation.

It's too bad you threw out the perfectly saleable detritus. Hopefully the city will be satisfied with the 'inoperable' state of your flattened flusher.


Rob Scott said...

I'm heading out to my garbage pile right now so I can grab you a piece of "perfectly saleable detritus" - and you don't even need to agree to a sale (I'll bring it with me to your Stampede bbq tomorrow). What a deal - you can start a display case up and start surfing ebay for a piece of the Berlin wall and a chunk of the Afgan Buddhas the Taliban blew up to complete your collection.

Ruby Voigt said...

So I was thinking that water closets make good planters... maybe I spoke too soon. I have one in my living room (unused, but a write off from work) and my stuffed lion Judah uses it for a throne.

signed the plumbing specialist