Bad Day for an Accident

Yesterday I filled a large jerry can of gas for my mower, two bottles of propane and then filled the rest of the trunk with booze for the Canada Day party tomorrow. And then it dawned on me as I was about to drive home, that this would be one very bad day to get rear-ended (Although, I did happen to buy a fire extinguisher on the same trip).

Teenage Affluenza

Absolutely, hilariously, tragically, brilliant. Watch this thing through to the end.

Garden Shed Transmogrification

Our new house came with a garden shed, and we came with two preschoolers. So the only way to settle the growing political tensions arising from this was to turn the garden shed into a playhouse.

Downer of a Sister

Cheesy, poorly shot video, Christians with a twisted sense of humour ... and System of a Down music. Does it get any better (worse) than this!

"ApologetiX" parodying "Chop Suey" by System of a Down.

Rythmic Freak Out

Emily is really givin' 'er to earn the title of "The King's Bridge Band's Biggest (smallest) Fan." You should see her dance without her eyes closed! Check out this video from earlier tonight.

What Would Jesus Do With a Fish & Blond Hair?

Stacey's employer, the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, does these things called "Decision Minutes." They're Christiany & run on Christian radio stations, but I think the intention is to reach people outside of the Church culture. So, unless you're a knob, you can see there's a problem.

Stacey & some of her co-workers are not knobs (I know, I know, I really know how to sweet-talk about my wife). So they are trying to re-engineer Decision Minutes & put them on regular radio stations. Stacey asked me to take a stab at writing some new ones. They're embarassingly rough & first drafty. In the unlikely event that any of the ideas get picked up though, they'll be made into something slick, professional and whole lot better than what you're about to hear (by people who are slicker, more professional and whole lot better than yours truly).

So, here they are for your listening pleasure (or annoyance as the case may be):
What Would Jesus Do?.
Jesus Fish.
Blond Jesus.

Fight the power baby!

Personal Yoda

I went to visit Morgan Syvertsen yesterday. He's always been a bit of a mentor to me, my own personal Yoda. The fact that I met him in Drumheller, surrounded by an almost alien landscape, and statues of strange, huge creatures on every corner didn't hurt the Yoda analogy. Of course he's neither crotchity nor old, so the analogy breaks down pretty quickly even in Drumheller.

It was a good visit. I feel a little closer to being re-centred.

Empty House

Last Sunday we had a pretty meagre crowd at our event at The House Cafe. But, once again, I took the stage to talk about pop culture, life, big questions and Jesus to people who may or may not give a rip about any of those things. And people left. It's not an infrequent event for people to leave, but it deflated me more than usual.

Yet I feel somehow that it's good for me. It's like brussel sprouts.

And it tastes about as bad too.

Wacky Theology & Other Preschool Pursuits

Here's a brand new batch of Emily & Kaylee quotes from recent weeks. Their studies have obviously branched off into alternative theology:

K: "I'm Jesus, coming up the stairs. I'm alive ... Hallelujah!"

E: "Ok, The question is: Why did God make people?"

E&K: "These are for your wife named duder."

K: "I'm a baby so I don't have any eyes yet."

Emily stands on the scale and asks "How old am I now?"
Kaylee states, "If I could climb a door, I would need 5 legs;" Then Emily responds, "If I could climb a wall I would need six legs."

K: "Daddy, you should grow some hair some day."

Overheard coming from their bedroom (unsure who said what):
"When God wants to get peels off His food, the unicorn helps Him."
"The minister tells people about Jesus and His little nest."

K: "I put these slippers on to remind me of Jesus when I'm dancing & singing & wiggling."

To Disturbing Not To Blog

Yes, this is a real mouse made into a computer mouse. If you're not disturbed enough yet, you can emerse yourself in this mod-gone-wrong here.

You Know There's No Option to Plead "No Contest."

Brace yourself: A new contest is coming ... and the prize doesn't suck! I know, it's hard to believe, but this is a good one:
It was purchased in a far away land (sorta) and I actually had people come up to me as I waited in line at the 'til asking if there were anymore like it (there weren't ... I got the last one).

I won't tell you what the prize is yet. And the details of the contest must remain secret for a while longer ... but I'll prepare your imagination by letting you know that the contest task has a lot to do with this pic and this video.

So bait your breath, hold onto your butts and get ready to contestitate.

Happy Blogiversary!

My one year blogging anniversary passed (back in late January) without mention. As you can tell by the dearth of entries, the first three months of the year have been rather busy for Stacey, the girls and I.

Right now, I’m sitting in a coffee shop in Victoria (I’m visiting my brother here). It’s raining but it’s warm. It’s early but I feel well rested. And I have time to take it easy, write a blog entry and …

Yesterday I did a “vanity” search (cuz you know “gluttony” alone isn’t going to maintain top-tier degenerate status for me). Buoyed by the high search ranking King’s Bridge is enjoying on Google, I typed in “Rob Scott Calgary.” And lo and behold (we would all do well to spend more time loing and beholding) this blog popped up as the number one site (out of just shy of a million sites).

So due to the confluence of these positive circumstances I’m declaring this the stand-in entry for the one year anniversary of “Come to Church & I’ll Buy You a Beer.” Happy anniversary! Thanks for reading, commenting, smashing, contesting and generally being a stand-up, courageous, sweet-smelling, intelligent, unpredictable, yet rarely dangerous, literate but not overly literal pack of buds. I love you guys. Both of you.

Buckle up and check the pocket in front of your seat for a barf bag. Here comes year number two.

Big-g-g-g

Stacey and I just got back from an overnight stay at the Kananaskis Lodge to celebrate our 10th anniversary. We splurged and booked a ski package with a day of lift tickets and a hot tub in our room. When we arrived, we discovered that because of a big conference, they bumped us from our room!

They bumped us up about 5 room levels (gratis) to a hostility (err ... hospitality) suite! It was ... and I'm not exaggerating ... the same size as our home in Calgary! We had a fireplace, living room area, separate TV area, a hot tub, a shower, a second bathroom with shower and bath, a bidet (eeeeewww), a separate bedroom with a huge bed, TV, desk with internet hookups and a sitting area, a front entrance room, a board room table and chairs (!???) and a wrap-around view of the mountains.


I was seriously thinking of calling all the core people at King’s Bridge and putting together a church retreat … we could accommodate them all. Of course, I would officially become the world's worst husband ever if I did that on our anniversary weekend away (right now Bill Clinton and three guys in Iran are technically worse husbands than I am).


Skiing was great, the room was great ... and the past ten years with one heck of an incredible woman have been really, really great (and the past three with two slightly unstable, but really wonderful, little women has been great too!)

Now back to regularly scheduled programming (a very, very busy month of March lies ahead for us both personally and professionally).

Ten Years

Exactly ten years ago I was on my way to St. Luke's church to get hitched.

There have been trials and struggles over the past ten years, but almost none of them have come from Stacey.

There have been great joys and triumphs, and Stacey deserves the credit for a great deal of them.

I am a truly blessed man, and I'm looking forward to the next ten years.

What's On Your Bookshelf?

This is a common discovery upon entering Emily and Kaylee's room after nap time (often with one or both kid's still asleep). We have provided comfortable, warm, clean beds that are not four feet off the ground for our children. They just seem to prefer a small, cold, hard shelf in a bookcase instead. At least they're no longer spinning cocoons suspended from the ceiling and sleeping in them.

Christmas & New Year Pics

Life has been far too busy to blog lately. I did manage to toss some of our kidX2Bday3, Christmas and New Year pics up onto a make-shift website though:
Christmas & New Year with the Scotts.


PS: Though taken shortly before Christmas, the pic above isn't exactly Christmasy or New Yearsy. I thought I'd drop it here, however, because Kaylee's ability to defy real-world physics finally convinced me that we do in fact live in the Matrix.

Alternate Puppet Stage Uses

Emily & Kaylee had a terrific third birthday celebration. Friends & family were very generous to them. In true three year old style, they have found some novel uses for some of their gifts.

Yesterday, they were putting on a puppet show for some stuffed animals. I was in the kitchen, impressed by the happy sounds I heard coming from the living room. A couple of minutes later, I looked in to see that their puppet show had turned into this:

The Continuing Adventures of Emily & Kaylee

Kaylee and Emily wanted to know how "things that can't move can move in videos." So we did a tiny animation together. They did all the object movement, checking of each picture, and the voice over. Here it is:


Here are some recent quotes from the wonder twins:

"I've got Jesus bears because I'm Jesus. That's what He's got in heaven. Sometimes He sleeps a little bit."

"My robot's name is Johnny Boobonovitz."

"Yesterday Kaylee married me, so now I've got a ring!"

"God is confusing me."

"Somebody pooped in here, which was a bad idea. Oh, it's just a raisin!"

Here's Emily and Kaylee doing "The Wheels on the Bus."

Nukes, Yanks & Funky Booyah

For the past couple of years I've been downing about a book a week. Then I found Orvil in the garage and now I'm dropped to about a book a month. I can literally feel my few remaining neurons disengaging.

Here's the new Orvil vid:

Kim Jong-il's Yankin' Flamin' Maple Leaf Roadshow:


Be Orvil's "friend" & give him a visit on MySpace

Orvil Deals With Some Unsolicited Lovin'.

Inspired by the two frame per second brain-death-inducing power of "Mighty Hercules," Orvil the Orange is back to vie for the title of crappiest-animation-ever.

So hit the little play button below and check out Orvil's other half's other half (and a tip of the hat to my favourite action-hero missionary hipster).

If you want to be Orvil's "friend" give him a visit on MySpace