The Secret (When Pantyhose Become Books).

Here's a hilarious Macleans review of the popular self-help, new age book "The Secret" that someone on the Resonate discussion shared the link to:The Secret Revealed.

(Warning: It's a little junior high locker-roomy).

Trading My Blog for a Log

I'm heading out to Rosen Lake with the dare-to-dream hope of achieving internet access out there this week. Of course, for a variety of tech vs. middle-of-nowhere issues, it may not happen, and all my leisure-time moronicisms will never be given life as blog entries. So stay tuned, cross your fingers, intercede on our behalf, get jiggy with it, eat a Joe's, don't take any wooden nickles & fight the power (what was I writing about anyways? ... Oh, yeah ... mixing drugs, whiskey, Cheetos & salad for breakfast has no affect on my coherence ... none at alllllllll lalalalalala - lapidary has nothing to do with dairy or laps ... I'm gonna eat a bug, and become bug-man. Hey, you, get into my car! Why do bird's suddenly appear, every time you are near? I have another thought coming, it' sz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz).

Go fo Pho!

I'm still smarting from a big, violent backyard debate tonight over how to pronounce "Pho" and what exactly it is. I argued for the pronounciation "Pee-hoe", but was proven wrong (see below). The good news is that "pee-hoe" is now free to be used anyway I want to:

"Yo! Yo! Pee-Ho. Pass da Pho 'for I wup yo fro!"

If I had only argued more effectively I would have been able to witness Nicole & Stacey walking into a Vietnamese restaurant and asking for "Pee-hoe."

"Phở (pronounced "fuh" in English) is a traditional Vietnamese noodle dish. It is composed of a thin white rice noodle in a clear beef broth, with thin cuts of beef (steak, fatty flank, lean flank, brisket), tendon, tripe, meatballs, or other ingredients such as green onions, white onions, cilantro, basil leaves, lemon or lime, bean sprouts, or chiles. ..." (Wikipedia: Now with 50% less moronic drivel).

Good Egg Contest

Ok. It's finally here. The contest I promised months ago is online at Bridge Talk. So go check it out, enter & wait for your life to be forever altered!

Alex Keating Begone!

I'm afraid.

Emily just went up to Kaylee and said, "Let's play Stephen Harper!" Kaylee was happy to oblige. Apparently Stephen Harper really likes to take long jumps off the couch onto cushions on the floor.

I think I'd be a little less scared if one of them played "Stephan Dion" while the other played Harper. At least I can find solace in the fact that no one is playing "Jack Layton." I think that sort of behavior might warrant a time out.

I blame Stacey.

Star Wars Trash Daily

You know the Star Wars trash compactor scene? When, after R2D2 succeeds in stopping the walls from crushing our heroes, C3P0 hears their whooping celebratory sounds coming over the intercom and concludes that their dying?

Just about every day this happens to me!


Emily and Kaylee make these aweful sound like they're dying or fighting or extremely emotionally distressed. I hear it over the baby monitor or through the wall and rush in thinking they are suffering in the extreme, and discover that they are laughing their heads off, or playing "sad baby" or just making weird noises.

Of course one out of ten times they're actually in distress - just frequently enough to keep me from being able write this phenomenon off and relax.

For Father's Day I think I should have asked for a longer lease for myself.

I added two links worth visiting to the top of the list to the right:

BridgeTalk is KB's new man-on-the-street meets pop culture & spirituality video & conversation site.

Stacey's Twisted Path is Stacey's new blog full of her deep insights, peeves & ponderances.

Toliet Attack On It's Way

I'm a truant. I promised a contest with a funky prize months ago ... and it's not here yet. I have great toilet-piñata footage begging to be cut into a highlight reel. And I have a handful of embryonic essays awaiting completion.

I'm a bad blogger ... but life's busy and child or workplace neglect doesn't seem like a good remedy. My holidays are on the way, and if I can secure some kind of Internet access out at Rosen Lake, I'll get to these outstanding promises soon.

I know the one & 3/4 readers of this blog are waiting with baited breath (pee-yeew bait smells bad enough without sticking it in your mouth).

In the meantime, here are some random pics from the last couple of weeks.

Bad Day for an Accident

Yesterday I filled a large jerry can of gas for my mower, two bottles of propane and then filled the rest of the trunk with booze for the Canada Day party tomorrow. And then it dawned on me as I was about to drive home, that this would be one very bad day to get rear-ended (Although, I did happen to buy a fire extinguisher on the same trip).

Teenage Affluenza

Absolutely, hilariously, tragically, brilliant. Watch this thing through to the end.

Garden Shed Transmogrification

Our new house came with a garden shed, and we came with two preschoolers. So the only way to settle the growing political tensions arising from this was to turn the garden shed into a playhouse.

Downer of a Sister

Cheesy, poorly shot video, Christians with a twisted sense of humour ... and System of a Down music. Does it get any better (worse) than this!

"ApologetiX" parodying "Chop Suey" by System of a Down.

Rythmic Freak Out

Emily is really givin' 'er to earn the title of "The King's Bridge Band's Biggest (smallest) Fan." You should see her dance without her eyes closed! Check out this video from earlier tonight.

What Would Jesus Do With a Fish & Blond Hair?

Stacey's employer, the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, does these things called "Decision Minutes." They're Christiany & run on Christian radio stations, but I think the intention is to reach people outside of the Church culture. So, unless you're a knob, you can see there's a problem.

Stacey & some of her co-workers are not knobs (I know, I know, I really know how to sweet-talk about my wife). So they are trying to re-engineer Decision Minutes & put them on regular radio stations. Stacey asked me to take a stab at writing some new ones. They're embarassingly rough & first drafty. In the unlikely event that any of the ideas get picked up though, they'll be made into something slick, professional and whole lot better than what you're about to hear (by people who are slicker, more professional and whole lot better than yours truly).

So, here they are for your listening pleasure (or annoyance as the case may be):
What Would Jesus Do?.
Jesus Fish.
Blond Jesus.

Fight the power baby!

Personal Yoda

I went to visit Morgan Syvertsen yesterday. He's always been a bit of a mentor to me, my own personal Yoda. The fact that I met him in Drumheller, surrounded by an almost alien landscape, and statues of strange, huge creatures on every corner didn't hurt the Yoda analogy. Of course he's neither crotchity nor old, so the analogy breaks down pretty quickly even in Drumheller.

It was a good visit. I feel a little closer to being re-centred.

Empty House

Last Sunday we had a pretty meagre crowd at our event at The House Cafe. But, once again, I took the stage to talk about pop culture, life, big questions and Jesus to people who may or may not give a rip about any of those things. And people left. It's not an infrequent event for people to leave, but it deflated me more than usual.

Yet I feel somehow that it's good for me. It's like brussel sprouts.

And it tastes about as bad too.

Wacky Theology & Other Preschool Pursuits

Here's a brand new batch of Emily & Kaylee quotes from recent weeks. Their studies have obviously branched off into alternative theology:

K: "I'm Jesus, coming up the stairs. I'm alive ... Hallelujah!"

E: "Ok, The question is: Why did God make people?"

E&K: "These are for your wife named duder."

K: "I'm a baby so I don't have any eyes yet."

Emily stands on the scale and asks "How old am I now?"
Kaylee states, "If I could climb a door, I would need 5 legs;" Then Emily responds, "If I could climb a wall I would need six legs."

K: "Daddy, you should grow some hair some day."

Overheard coming from their bedroom (unsure who said what):
"When God wants to get peels off His food, the unicorn helps Him."
"The minister tells people about Jesus and His little nest."

K: "I put these slippers on to remind me of Jesus when I'm dancing & singing & wiggling."

To Disturbing Not To Blog

Yes, this is a real mouse made into a computer mouse. If you're not disturbed enough yet, you can emerse yourself in this mod-gone-wrong here.

You Know There's No Option to Plead "No Contest."

Brace yourself: A new contest is coming ... and the prize doesn't suck! I know, it's hard to believe, but this is a good one:
It was purchased in a far away land (sorta) and I actually had people come up to me as I waited in line at the 'til asking if there were anymore like it (there weren't ... I got the last one).

I won't tell you what the prize is yet. And the details of the contest must remain secret for a while longer ... but I'll prepare your imagination by letting you know that the contest task has a lot to do with this pic and this video.

So bait your breath, hold onto your butts and get ready to contestitate.

Happy Blogiversary!

My one year blogging anniversary passed (back in late January) without mention. As you can tell by the dearth of entries, the first three months of the year have been rather busy for Stacey, the girls and I.

Right now, I’m sitting in a coffee shop in Victoria (I’m visiting my brother here). It’s raining but it’s warm. It’s early but I feel well rested. And I have time to take it easy, write a blog entry and …

Yesterday I did a “vanity” search (cuz you know “gluttony” alone isn’t going to maintain top-tier degenerate status for me). Buoyed by the high search ranking King’s Bridge is enjoying on Google, I typed in “Rob Scott Calgary.” And lo and behold (we would all do well to spend more time loing and beholding) this blog popped up as the number one site (out of just shy of a million sites).

So due to the confluence of these positive circumstances I’m declaring this the stand-in entry for the one year anniversary of “Come to Church & I’ll Buy You a Beer.” Happy anniversary! Thanks for reading, commenting, smashing, contesting and generally being a stand-up, courageous, sweet-smelling, intelligent, unpredictable, yet rarely dangerous, literate but not overly literal pack of buds. I love you guys. Both of you.

Buckle up and check the pocket in front of your seat for a barf bag. Here comes year number two.