Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Alex Keating Begone!

I'm afraid.

Emily just went up to Kaylee and said, "Let's play Stephen Harper!" Kaylee was happy to oblige. Apparently Stephen Harper really likes to take long jumps off the couch onto cushions on the floor.

I think I'd be a little less scared if one of them played "Stephan Dion" while the other played Harper. At least I can find solace in the fact that no one is playing "Jack Layton." I think that sort of behavior might warrant a time out.

I blame Stacey.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Star Wars Trash Daily



You know the Star Wars trash compactor scene? When, after R2D2 succeeds in stopping the walls from crushing our heroes, C3P0 hears their whooping celebratory sounds coming over the intercom and concludes that their dying?

Just about every day this happens to me!


Emily and Kaylee make these aweful sound like they're dying or fighting or extremely emotionally distressed. I hear it over the baby monitor or through the wall and rush in thinking they are suffering in the extreme, and discover that they are laughing their heads off, or playing "sad baby" or just making weird noises.

Of course one out of ten times they're actually in distress - just frequently enough to keep me from being able write this phenomenon off and relax.

For Father's Day I think I should have asked for a longer lease for myself.

Saturday, July 14, 2007


I added two links worth visiting to the top of the list to the right:

BridgeTalk is KB's new man-on-the-street meets pop culture & spirituality video & conversation site.

Stacey's Twisted Path is Stacey's new blog full of her deep insights, peeves & ponderances.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Toliet Attack On It's Way




I'm a truant. I promised a contest with a funky prize months ago ... and it's not here yet. I have great toilet-piñata footage begging to be cut into a highlight reel. And I have a handful of embryonic essays awaiting completion.

I'm a bad blogger ... but life's busy and child or workplace neglect doesn't seem like a good remedy. My holidays are on the way, and if I can secure some kind of Internet access out at Rosen Lake, I'll get to these outstanding promises soon.

I know the one & 3/4 readers of this blog are waiting with baited breath (pee-yeew bait smells bad enough without sticking it in your mouth).

In the meantime, here are some random pics from the last couple of weeks.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Bad Day for an Accident

Yesterday I filled a large jerry can of gas for my mower, two bottles of propane and then filled the rest of the trunk with booze for the Canada Day party tomorrow. And then it dawned on me as I was about to drive home, that this would be one very bad day to get rear-ended (Although, I did happen to buy a fire extinguisher on the same trip).

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Teenage Affluenza

Absolutely, hilariously, tragically, brilliant. Watch this thing through to the end.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Garden Shed Transmogrification


Our new house came with a garden shed, and we came with two preschoolers. So the only way to settle the growing political tensions arising from this was to turn the garden shed into a playhouse.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Downer of a Sister

Cheesy, poorly shot video, Christians with a twisted sense of humour ... and System of a Down music. Does it get any better (worse) than this!

"ApologetiX" parodying "Chop Suey" by System of a Down.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Rythmic Freak Out

Emily is really givin' 'er to earn the title of "The King's Bridge Band's Biggest (smallest) Fan." You should see her dance without her eyes closed! Check out this video from earlier tonight.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

What Would Jesus Do With a Fish & Blond Hair?


Stacey's employer, the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, does these things called "Decision Minutes." They're Christiany & run on Christian radio stations, but I think the intention is to reach people outside of the Church culture. So, unless you're a knob, you can see there's a problem.

Stacey & some of her co-workers are not knobs (I know, I know, I really know how to sweet-talk about my wife). So they are trying to re-engineer Decision Minutes & put them on regular radio stations. Stacey asked me to take a stab at writing some new ones. They're embarassingly rough & first drafty. In the unlikely event that any of the ideas get picked up though, they'll be made into something slick, professional and whole lot better than what you're about to hear (by people who are slicker, more professional and whole lot better than yours truly).

So, here they are for your listening pleasure (or annoyance as the case may be):
What Would Jesus Do?.
Jesus Fish.
Blond Jesus.

Fight the power baby!

Friday, June 01, 2007

Personal Yoda


I went to visit Morgan Syvertsen yesterday. He's always been a bit of a mentor to me, my own personal Yoda. The fact that I met him in Drumheller, surrounded by an almost alien landscape, and statues of strange, huge creatures on every corner didn't hurt the Yoda analogy. Of course he's neither crotchity nor old, so the analogy breaks down pretty quickly even in Drumheller.

It was a good visit. I feel a little closer to being re-centred.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Empty House

Last Sunday we had a pretty meagre crowd at our event at The House Cafe. But, once again, I took the stage to talk about pop culture, life, big questions and Jesus to people who may or may not give a rip about any of those things. And people left. It's not an infrequent event for people to leave, but it deflated me more than usual.

Yet I feel somehow that it's good for me. It's like brussel sprouts.

And it tastes about as bad too.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Wacky Theology & Other Preschool Pursuits



Here's a brand new batch of Emily & Kaylee quotes from recent weeks. Their studies have obviously branched off into alternative theology:

K: "I'm Jesus, coming up the stairs. I'm alive ... Hallelujah!"

E: "Ok, The question is: Why did God make people?"

E&K: "These are for your wife named duder."

K: "I'm a baby so I don't have any eyes yet."

Emily stands on the scale and asks "How old am I now?"
Kaylee states, "If I could climb a door, I would need 5 legs;" Then Emily responds, "If I could climb a wall I would need six legs."

K: "Daddy, you should grow some hair some day."

Overheard coming from their bedroom (unsure who said what):
"When God wants to get peels off His food, the unicorn helps Him."
"The minister tells people about Jesus and His little nest."

K: "I put these slippers on to remind me of Jesus when I'm dancing & singing & wiggling."

Monday, April 30, 2007

To Disturbing Not To Blog


Yes, this is a real mouse made into a computer mouse. If you're not disturbed enough yet, you can emerse yourself in this mod-gone-wrong here.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

You Know There's No Option to Plead "No Contest."


Brace yourself: A new contest is coming ... and the prize doesn't suck! I know, it's hard to believe, but this is a good one:
It was purchased in a far away land (sorta) and I actually had people come up to me as I waited in line at the 'til asking if there were anymore like it (there weren't ... I got the last one).

I won't tell you what the prize is yet. And the details of the contest must remain secret for a while longer ... but I'll prepare your imagination by letting you know that the contest task has a lot to do with this pic and this video.

So bait your breath, hold onto your butts and get ready to contestitate.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Happy Blogiversary!

My one year blogging anniversary passed (back in late January) without mention. As you can tell by the dearth of entries, the first three months of the year have been rather busy for Stacey, the girls and I.

Right now, I’m sitting in a coffee shop in Victoria (I’m visiting my brother here). It’s raining but it’s warm. It’s early but I feel well rested. And I have time to take it easy, write a blog entry and …

Yesterday I did a “vanity” search (cuz you know “gluttony” alone isn’t going to maintain top-tier degenerate status for me). Buoyed by the high search ranking King’s Bridge is enjoying on Google, I typed in “Rob Scott Calgary.” And lo and behold (we would all do well to spend more time loing and beholding) this blog popped up as the number one site (out of just shy of a million sites).

So due to the confluence of these positive circumstances I’m declaring this the stand-in entry for the one year anniversary of “Come to Church & I’ll Buy You a Beer.” Happy anniversary! Thanks for reading, commenting, smashing, contesting and generally being a stand-up, courageous, sweet-smelling, intelligent, unpredictable, yet rarely dangerous, literate but not overly literal pack of buds. I love you guys. Both of you.

Buckle up and check the pocket in front of your seat for a barf bag. Here comes year number two.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Big-g-g-g




Stacey and I just got back from an overnight stay at the Kananaskis Lodge to celebrate our 10th anniversary. We splurged and booked a ski package with a day of lift tickets and a hot tub in our room. When we arrived, we discovered that because of a big conference, they bumped us from our room!

They bumped us up about 5 room levels (gratis) to a hostility (err ... hospitality) suite! It was ... and I'm not exaggerating ... the same size as our home in Calgary! We had a fireplace, living room area, separate TV area, a hot tub, a shower, a second bathroom with shower and bath, a bidet (eeeeewww), a separate bedroom with a huge bed, TV, desk with internet hookups and a sitting area, a front entrance room, a board room table and chairs (!???) and a wrap-around view of the mountains.


I was seriously thinking of calling all the core people at King’s Bridge and putting together a church retreat … we could accommodate them all. Of course, I would officially become the world's worst husband ever if I did that on our anniversary weekend away (right now Bill Clinton and three guys in Iran are technically worse husbands than I am).


Skiing was great, the room was great ... and the past ten years with one heck of an incredible woman have been really, really great (and the past three with two slightly unstable, but really wonderful, little women has been great too!)

Now back to regularly scheduled programming (a very, very busy month of March lies ahead for us both personally and professionally).

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Ten Years






Exactly ten years ago I was on my way to St. Luke's church to get hitched.

There have been trials and struggles over the past ten years, but almost none of them have come from Stacey.

There have been great joys and triumphs, and Stacey deserves the credit for a great deal of them.

I am a truly blessed man, and I'm looking forward to the next ten years.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

What's On Your Bookshelf?




This is a common discovery upon entering Emily and Kaylee's room after nap time (often with one or both kid's still asleep). We have provided comfortable, warm, clean beds that are not four feet off the ground for our children. They just seem to prefer a small, cold, hard shelf in a bookcase instead. At least they're no longer spinning cocoons suspended from the ceiling and sleeping in them.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Christmas & New Year Pics


Life has been far too busy to blog lately. I did manage to toss some of our kidX2Bday3, Christmas and New Year pics up onto a make-shift website though:
Christmas & New Year with the Scotts.


PS: Though taken shortly before Christmas, the pic above isn't exactly Christmasy or New Yearsy. I thought I'd drop it here, however, because Kaylee's ability to defy real-world physics finally convinced me that we do in fact live in the Matrix.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Alternate Puppet Stage Uses

Emily & Kaylee had a terrific third birthday celebration. Friends & family were very generous to them. In true three year old style, they have found some novel uses for some of their gifts.

Yesterday, they were putting on a puppet show for some stuffed animals. I was in the kitchen, impressed by the happy sounds I heard coming from the living room. A couple of minutes later, I looked in to see that their puppet show had turned into this:

Monday, December 04, 2006

The Continuing Adventures of Emily & Kaylee

Kaylee and Emily wanted to know how "things that can't move can move in videos." So we did a tiny animation together. They did all the object movement, checking of each picture, and the voice over. Here it is:


Here are some recent quotes from the wonder twins:

"I've got Jesus bears because I'm Jesus. That's what He's got in heaven. Sometimes He sleeps a little bit."

"My robot's name is Johnny Boobonovitz."

"Yesterday Kaylee married me, so now I've got a ring!"

"God is confusing me."

"Somebody pooped in here, which was a bad idea. Oh, it's just a raisin!"

Here's Emily and Kaylee doing "The Wheels on the Bus."

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Nukes, Yanks & Funky Booyah

For the past couple of years I've been downing about a book a week. Then I found Orvil in the garage and now I'm dropped to about a book a month. I can literally feel my few remaining neurons disengaging.

Here's the new Orvil vid:

Kim Jong-il's Yankin' Flamin' Maple Leaf Roadshow:


Be Orvil's "friend" & give him a visit on MySpace

Monday, November 20, 2006

Orvil Deals With Some Unsolicited Lovin'.

Inspired by the two frame per second brain-death-inducing power of "Mighty Hercules," Orvil the Orange is back to vie for the title of crappiest-animation-ever.

So hit the little play button below and check out Orvil's other half's other half (and a tip of the hat to my favourite action-hero missionary hipster).

If you want to be Orvil's "friend" give him a visit on MySpace

Food Fight


I've slacked on exercise for a few weeks. I also had a little "food rebellion" last week and got off my plan ... so I flat-lined this month: I've lost a grand total of 000 pounds since the last weigh-in. Pretty special, I know.

I've still got 12 to go to reach my goal by the new year.

If I don't do it, please don't forget to beat me up, reject me thoroughly or lock me in a hermetically-sealed food-proof room.
Thanks.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Spammers Begone!


I managed to make it through many months without having my blog spammed ... until tonight (3 stupid "make money at home" comment spams). So I've enabled moderation of comments. Go ahead and comment as you normally would. It'll just take a little longer for your comments to appear as I now have to approve them.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Waterproofed Old Ladies


A couple of days ago toddlerX2 climbed up their bookshelf to the very top shelf during "nap" time. Once up there, they retrieved a bottle of Vaseline and proceeded to use all of it's contents on themselves from head to foot. They used most of it on their hair! After two showers and numerous strategies, we finally discovered that corn starching their hair before showering them works.

Emily and Kaylee spent most of last night running around with white hair saying, "I'm an old lady! I'm an old lady! I'm an old lady!"

It's amazing how much energy the elderly have.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The 2XCute Tornado


On Sunday we were visiting the church we attend when we are out at Rosen Lake. It's a Baptist Church with a fair bit of gray hair. Just before communion was served, Kaylee sat on my lap and began playing with the buttons of my shirt. The Pastor started to lead the congregation in prayer, so I closed my eyes. When I opened them, my entire shirt was unbuttoned and open! And the Pastor and two of his henchmen where up front looking back at me! (Thanks Kaylee).

Here are a few E & K quotes from the last few days:

"This backpack from China isn't broken!"

"You're a boy baby, so you've got a beard."

After explaining to Emily that she can't have a baby until after she falls in love with a man and gets married, she turned to Kaylee and asked, "Kaylee, will you be my man?" (Kaylee said, "yes.")

Overheard coming from their room shortly after they woke up: " When I put this on my head it still works!" Response: "Amazing! Amazing! Amazing!"

Monday, November 06, 2006

Orvil's Mailbag

Orvil's been picking up a few views lately ... enough that I felt motivated to waste more of my precious free time animating him yet again. So here he is answering his mail (Warning: Orvil's mouth is a little looser than mine, so you might not want to share this vid with toddlers ... especially my toddlers).

If you're a MySpacer, go make friends with Orvil:
Orvil's Myspace page

Bonus points to you if you pick up any of the three hidden messages at the end of this video (I'm trying to get a little "viral" with Orvil).

Sunday, October 29, 2006

All Hallows

In the years before I had children, I explored several strategies for dealing with Halloween. These included attempts at abstention, replacement and even a mild form of protest. The point of exploration that I am now at, with my wife and kids as participants, is the full celebration of All Hallows Eve. Here’s why we now celebrate Halloween:

1. The historic roots of Halloween are very similar to both Christmas and Easter. There is a complex collision of ideas, cultures, calendars, theology and marketing involved in all three events. Like Christmas and Easter, that collision includes pre-Christian ritual, divine symbolism and cultural imperialism. Cultural imperialism is a big, strong and ugly version of cultural engagement. And cultural engagement is at the very heart of my Church’s vision (but it’s small, gentle and hopefully not too ugly).

2. Halloween is one of the best times of the year to relate to those you live amongst. How many other times do you go to the doors of dozens of people in your community and greet them? How many other days do they come to your house? Missing this relational opportunity because of some dark stuff doesn’t synergize with a savior who visited boozy, prostitute laden parties and entered into discussions in the middle of the marketplace.

3. Halloween is a tremendous tool of catechism: A stylized human face with light streaming out of it from a flame deep within. Garments representing good and evil spiritual entities, historical figures, heroes and villains. Giving something sweet to anyone who comes to your door without getting anything in return. Without even getting to the great-people-of faith aspects of All Saints Eve, there are a lot of tools to teach my Children about spiritual realities and Christian conduct.

4. Halloween is fun. I know that is a pretty weak argument on the surface, but bear with me. I remember being shocked and feeling great sympathy as a child when I discovered some of the children I went to school with had to skip out on holiday celebrations and their birthdays because they were Jehovah’s Witnesses. The witness I received from that experience was that Jehovah was a killjoy. Contrarily, I now know that he is the joy-bringer. I want to share that joy with those who don’t know it. I want to celebrate those aspects of their lives that are joyful already. And I want my children to learn to have a good time doing that.

Yes, there are evil dimensions to some Halloween celebrations. We need to be aware of this, pray and keep our kids safe. There are evil dimensions to the way other holidays are celebrated too. The increase in drunk driving, greed, depression and even suicides associated with Christmas does not make me throw away the celebration of the incarnation. Neither does the occult rituals that happen around the Spring equinox (Easter season). Devil worship and horror movies will not make me trash All Hallows Eve. My kids don’t dress as devils or devil worshippers. Interestingly, only one Child who came to the Halloween party my church sponsored at a secular Children’s indoor playground dressed as anything that could be construed as evil (a very kindly-looking witch). And most of their parent’s didn’t know the party was church-sponsored when they showed up!

I respect and understand the reasoning of many Christians who abstain from Halloween or make up an alternative. I’m not trying to force my perspective on you if you’re one of those people. I’m just sharing why my family celebrates Halloween and asking for your respect and understanding in return. I’m more than happy to talk about it, even if you strongly disagree with me.

All the best,
Rob

Saturday, October 28, 2006

All Hallow's Orvil


I took a couple of hours during the girl's nap on my day off to re-animate Orvil out of his persistent vegetative state in time for Halloween.

Like every other fabricated person in the western world, Orvil now has a myspace page. You can dig into the deep recesses of his personality and watch his vids there. So visit him, make him a friend and fear the fruit.

Orvil's Myspace page

Happy Halloween from Orvil:

Monday, October 16, 2006

Weigh In


It's been over a month, so I'm overdue to check in on my weight loss progress:

I'm down to 212 (lost 12) and am half-way to my minimal goal of 200 (or under) by the end of the year.

Hey Hey Hey.